一棵开花的树

今天突然又想起了席慕容的诗，我喜欢了十多年的诗。至今依然是我的最爱，最有感觉的诗。可能是与佛有关吧! 也可能是因为我自小就喜欢轮回之类的故事。

《一颗开花的树》

如何让你遇见我

在我最美丽的时刻

为这

我已在佛前求了五百年

求佛让我们结一段尘缘
佛于是把我化做一棵树

长在你必经的路旁
阳光下
慎重地开满了花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望
当你走近
请你细听
那颤抖的叶
是我等待的热情

而当你终于无视地走过

朋友啊

那不是花瓣

那是我凋零的心

不知道为什么对这首诗，就这么有感觉。觉得那棵树好可怜，百般的祈求，漫长的等待，换来的却不是想要的结果。可以从这首诗中看到对爱的执着，我其实还蛮羡慕这种感情。理性方面又觉得好愚昧，完全不理解这种感情。怎么知道对方值不值得你去爱，去等待呢？毕竟对方也是充满了缺点的凡人。而且，人是会变的，人类的感觉会说变就变，没有所谓美好的永恒。但是很多人都保持着只羡鸳鸯不羡仙的渴望，无可否认，这是人类的本能。看不破，就只能沉沦。我是个很复杂的个体，各种想法时常在我的脑海里翻腾，就像不测的风雨，毫无预警的冒出来。我有时又不会觉得这是愚昧的，这世间没有绝对的对与错，这些取之于个人。只要那个人觉得幸福，旁人也没什么资格说什么。

也喜欢六祖慧能的诗；

菩提本无树，

明镜亦非台，

本来无一物，

何处惹尘埃。

一切有为法，如梦幻泡影，不应该妄想执著。执着有时会令人痛苦，无法解脱。

同时我又想起了玉琳国师的故事。小时候， 自佛学院借来的录影带-再世情缘。那一对痴情的人儿，经历了许多的痛苦，只因放不下那段感情，只因几世的情缘。玉琳国师的前世也在佛前求了很久，希望下一世可以变得好看，也为爱情而求。他如愿了，然而他却已佛根深种，普度众生是大爱。与他有前世情缘的格格却痴心不改，痴痴地跟着心上人，在一堆听经的人中，直到老去。

虽然明白一切皆空，但我就是愿意沉沦于这一切的幻象中，在红尘之中漂浮。自己还是不定性。我觉得爱上了芭蕾，让我彻底地改变，是这份执着让我沉沦，愈大愈大愈难以自拔。

还有彼岸花的故事也深深的吸引着我。

看见的熄灭了，消失的记住了-自王菲的歌

有花不见叶，叶生不见花，生生世世，花叶两相错。

情不为因果，缘注定生死。

佛曰：
梵语波罗蜜
此云到彼岸
解义离生灭
著境生灭起
如水有波浪
即名为此岸
离境无生灭
如水常流通
即名为彼岸
彼岸无生无死
无苦无悲
无欲无求
是个忘记一切的极乐世界
而有种花
超出三界外
不在五行中
生于弱水彼岸
炫灿绯红
那是彼岸花
彼岸花开
花开彼岸
花开无叶
叶生无花
想念相惜却不得相见
独自彼岸路 

下次想写彼岸花的故事，画一部关于它的漫画，让我的想象自由的奔腾。给自己一个功课 :)

 

 彼岸花

集中突破，将热忱用在一件事上

这大概是我最难做到的事吧！

就像在哈佛大学的公开课上，一位同学闷闷不乐地向教授请教：‘为什么我在学业上如此花费心思，可是却收获甚微呢？
教授十分同情地说道：“平时我也注意到你的努力和用功了。”
“是啊！” 那位同学埋怨道， “我喜欢文学， 学了很多文艺理论的知识；我也喜欢科学，经常在实验室里做各种研究；我也喜欢金融，对于金融方面的知识也很有研究；同时我也喜欢心理学，所以您的课我一节也没落下...."

教授突然笑了起来，然后走到那位同学身边，拍了拍他的肩膀说：“这就是你收获甚微的原因!
如果你将自己的热忱集中在一件事情上，那你现在可能已是那个领域的顶尖人才了。”

他和我一样兴趣太多，几年前就知到应该把热忱集中，父母朋友也劝过了，想了这么多年，我到现还是决定不了，要把热忱集中在哪里。

人一生的时间有限，如果没有把热忱集中在一个坚定的目标，精力过于分散，在追求成功的过程中不断破坏与重塑，最终一无所获。

热忱

 刚从奥克兰市中心的图书馆借了一本书-------哈佛凌晨四点半升级版, 其中有一篇文章我觉得应该把它记下来。

在哈佛大学，曾经有一个著名的实验： 心理学教授对1500为学生进行了调查，调查的题目是“你选择自己的专业，是因为自己的爱好，还是想在将来赚更多的钱？”

那些被调查的学生中，245人选择是由于自己的爱好，有1255人选择了赚钱。

这项调查一直持续了10年，其主要目的就是想了解为了个人爱好和为了金钱而努力奋斗的结果是怎样的。

10年之后，调查结果出来。为了金钱而学习工作的人，只有一位成为真正的富翁, 而因为个人的爱好而学习和工作的245人中，有116位为富翁。

我也想为爱好而奋斗，但是自己却不了解自己真正想要什么，有时候爱好变成工作也不是一件好事。会觉得那其实不是自己想要的。人类就是这么复杂。

这本书上说哈佛的研究结果让我们知道，能够改变你的命运，让你成为富翁的唯一出路，就是做你喜欢的东西，对学习永远都保持热忱。 对于我们喜欢的东西，我们都会很积极很投入地去学习，我十分的赞同，因为我是个学习狂热者。

偶尔看一些励志的书，对自己的影响是正面的。

Way to new journey

    I have made a very tough decision since beginning of this year. I decided to leave my parent to start my journey alone to place that I have never been before. It really need a lot of courage for me to make this decision because I am just a girl who hardly have any travel experience. But a sound amidst me, keep yelling at me. "I need to find the meaning of my life", I need to keep on moving to find something that fill my emptiness.

    I am a girl that like to stay at home, and do not like to go to crowded place and I am not outgoing at all. I would prefer to stay at home reading, play piano and surf net. Stay at home make me feel secure and safe. At the same time, I have complex character. I can be very extreme some time. I want myself to be tougher, able to stand under various circumstances and pressure. I am eager for success. However, I understand that success never come so easily. If you want success, you have to strive for it. Currently, I am too naive and I am too used to stay in my comfort zone. I know that if I do not step out of my comfort zone, I will forever stay at the same place and I will have no chance to learn to be independent. Only if we face difficulties, we grow stronger.

   My friends asked me to go with them on a working holiday to New Zealand. I did not go with them because if I follow them, I may not be able to meet my target, to be independent. I want to test my own ability, though it is a bit risky. I am quite blur, and it is dangerous for me travel alone. But to train myself under extreme circumstances, I have to gamble with my fate. Although the world outside is not as scary as I think. I am over exaggerate on backpacking alone.

   There are few reasons I did not follow them , the other reason is I lack of money. I need to pay my car loan, ptptn and raise a travel fund which my car loan will end next year May, need to settle this before I depart (^.^). And Australian work and holiday visa seems is much more harder to get, so I decided to go to Australia(Oz) first before I apply for New Zealand(NZ) working holiday. NZ working holiday can be applied through online so I can just apply online at Oz. Apply for the tougher first before go for the easier one.

   I was so lucky to get the visa which many peoples who queue up on application day did not manage to get it.  It really need a lot of hard work before apply for the visa and I am happy that my hard work paid off. Oz work and holiday only open for 100 peoples each year, which is very limited. This year the earliest people started to queue around 9pm a day before Oz high commission open for this visa application and the last peoples who managed to get the visa queue at around 3.40am. Which is few hours earlier compare to last year. This means for next year's application it will be much more tougher. You better queue around midnight. For those who plan to apply for next year's work and holiday visa, you really have to be well prepared.

  Back to my personal problem, because I will be traveling alone so I need more time to make sure everything is perfect. So I obtained my visa at July, I bought the ticket for next year April. At the same time, I will use this time to do research on what I should bring, types of backpack, shoes, clothes, need to work so that I have money to buy those that are essential (includes monitor currency rate) to my journey.

  Anyway, I have to step out my first step and now I am started to prepare for my journey. Can't wait to fly to my first destination. Wish myself good luck. :P

 

dragon zakura

Recently I have borrowed a Japanese drama from my Japanese language teacher. The drama's name is ドラゴンザクラ. To me it is a very good drama. As far as I know, Japanese have many meaningful and interesting drama. Normally the Japanese drama is short and the story wont keep repeating the same thing and thus won't be too boring.

It is about a poor lawyer who has received a case which is related to a high school that average mark of the student is only 36 and is called stupid high school. The school is facing financial problem as the student is decreasing every year. He decided to save the school by helping those student to get into top University in Tokyo. Although that is for his own benefit==.It is about the story of 6 students who studied very hard to achieve their target, University of Tokyo because they want to escape from to be called baka(stupid) again. But sadly, at last only 3 students manage to get in. The fate is unfair to some of them but because of the obstacle they faced, they grow. The method or the way they study is also very interesting, but I don't think I will follow :)

This drama make me think a lot. And when I was watching the drama, I feel that I am so lucky compare to those character. At least people in my surrounding won't treat me as a stupid person and I never face any serious obstacle, I can get anything I want easily and I feel that this is not good. I can't grow without obstacle, not sure whether this kind of thinking is good or bad. I think I am even stupid than them although I have been in good school since I was young. sweat...==;;; I never strive for any dream. To be success, the main quality is patience, determination and never give up. I lack of that :'( And I can't even know what I really want, I just follow what most peoples think is good.

Never give up!!Listen to your own will and your heart. Dont know how many time I have told myself like this but I have poor memory always forget to remind myself not to give up easily and work hard on one thing at a time. I can't hear any voice from my heart, sigh...

何かしなければならないと思ってるのに、そのあきらめなくて探すの意志がない。いつも簡単にあきられるのわたしがだいきらい。どうすればいい？

When my dream fly to the world

I used to have a pair of very strong and beautiful wing. It is able to bring me to every where. It gives me hope and dream. I used to be very happy and lived in fantasy world. My world was full of flowers and colours. I wished to go to every part of the world and collect peoples' story. I believe everyone have their own story. It is the memory when they are still alive and being a human. My dream was flying around.

But now, because of my greedy, my wing is hurt. I have been captured by my greediness. I cannot fly again. I can only stay in the same place doing nothing. Feeling life is meaningless.

Now, I am trying hard to make myself recover from my illness. At least I am still alive and there is so many things I can to do. Please do not give up. Appreciate every moment being a human. While this body still can function, I want to leave as much memory as I can to this world. There are still many parts of the world I have never been before. I want to know more about my world. So to fulfill my dream, I will never ever give up until my dream fly to the world, until I know the reason why I am here, my existence.

努力

今天，又到了上小提琴课的日子。老实说，我真的没什么练习到，被老师说教，真得很不甘心。其实，这也不能怪她，练了这么多年的小提琴，没什么进步到，要是我与这样的学生，我也会教的不爽。我老是提醒自己，一定要坚持每天练习，背好每一首曲子。但是，每天放工，就累得懒惰练习。我真的有很深的愧疚感， 我时常在怀疑我究竟是否喜欢小提琴，为何我还坚持学下去，如果不练习就只是浪费时间跟金钱而已。

想来我学了很多东西，就是没有一样精通。可以想到的都是老师们无奈的脸庞。天下没有不劳而获的事情，就算是天才也需要不断地练习，跟何况是我如此平凡的人。芭蕾舞是如此，小提琴是如此，语言也是如此。工作也要提起劲来。这样才会有一番作为，再向前走之前，还是应该反省反省，不要一昧的冲。